Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

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Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:32 pm

Cullyn was sitting on his sofa in a nervous fit. He didn't know what to do. He never did. Ever since his parents died, he had been lost. He saw all the stares people gave him when he messed up. He didn't want to do something wrong. He needed someone's help and no one was around to offer it. Even now he was in a dilemma that most would find quite idiotic. He couldn't help himself though. Decisions were so hard to make when you were alone. All alone. He curled up on the couch frustrated. His blond hair drooped around his face and covered his brown eyes. A scar ran down his right cheek showing the physical mark the accident had given him.

He looked up at the clock above the tv and groaned. Should he go to school early and study or should he wait a little longer at home and relax? He had to drive to school. He didn't like driving. Too many decisions to deal with at once. Those were important ones. Those decided life and death. He wasn't ready. After a few more minutes of indecision, he finally stood up and grabbed his school bag. He unhooked the keys from their nook in the wall and got into his black truck. Once behind the wheel, he was stuck again. He took another ten minutes before he finally started the car and drove the small distance to the college he was attending.

Once there, he got out and stood beside his car. People were walking around and some of them glanced at him. He tried to make himself smaller and scurried towards the campus. He felt everyone's eyes on him. He didn't want to mess up. Couldn’t mess up. He would look like a fool. He always did. Why couldn't he do better? His heart started to pound a little and his palms began to sweat in his anxiety. How long ago did this all start anyway? He didn't know. Couldn't tell. Had he always been so self-conscious? He went to class and sat down in the back of the class room and tried to hide behind his books.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Sat Sep 05, 2009 1:03 am

Leigh woke up early, the sound of her foster mother banging around in the kitchen drifting up to her. "Dammit. Janet." She said, using a line from The Rocky Horror Picture Show that was always stuck in her head. It didn't help that her foster mother's name was Janet.

The blonde giggled as she rolled out of bed, pushing her long, full hair out of her face. She couldn't help but to laugh at herself. If her father could see his little girl now. It was something that would have made him keel over again. But, if he hadn't died in the first place, then she wouldn't be where she was and she wouldn't have been through what she had. And the night before never would have happened.

By the time Leigh got herself motivated and out of the house, the sun was mostly up and school would be starting. So, instead of pushing herself to hurry, she just drove slowly to the school in the 1967 camaro that she'd bought herself not long before. When she finally got to the school, she slowly climbed out of her car before slowly walking to class.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Sun Sep 06, 2009 12:23 am

As more students began to pile in, his paranoia of social events started to kick into gear. He glanced around nervously and constantly coward in his seat. His heart was beginning to race a little faster and he felt a little damp from sweat. But then again, maybe that was in his mind. Almost the whole room was filled now. 274 people were in class. A few more and the class would be full. There was a vacant seat next to him and he hoped no one sat there.

No, he did hope someone would sit there. Didn't he? His own mind was conflicting with him. He wanted someone to be there for him, but then again, he feared their rejection, their criticism, their annoyance. He didn't want to be shunned or pushed away. He didn't think he could handle that. But he needed someone so desperately. This was getting out of hand. He was going to have grey hair by the end of the year! He was so stressed...

He put down his books and leaned forward on his desk. He hid his face with his hair and stared down at his notebook. He glanced up every now and then through his strands to check if the professor had begun his lecture yet. So far, he was still sitting in his black leather chair and flipping through a book he no doubt wrote himself and just recently got published.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Sun Sep 06, 2009 3:57 pm

Leigh finally got to her first class and sighed happily. Walking through the halls, she was sure that she would be late, she'd gotten lost twice. However, she was just in time and she walked up, looking for a seat. There were only a few seats left in the class, and she had the choice of sitting next to a prissy girl, a burn out looking girl, or a slightly nervous looking guy. Well, Leigh, of course, chose to sit next to the guy.

He was attractive, which was a plus. She thought as she sat down beside him and took out her note book. A slight battle was going on in her mind as she tried to decide if she should talk to him. She knew that if she did, there wasn't a lot that could happen to her, He couldn't exactly attack her in class, which was a good thing, because she was sick of people attacking her.

"Hey." She said with a smile when she finally decided to say something. It wasn't much, but at least she wouldn't appear to be a bitch on her first day at the school. "I'm Leigh." She introduced herself, extending her hand to shake his.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:27 pm

He saw someone walk into the class and was caught between yearning and despair. 'Please don't sit next to me' and 'Sit next to me' were two fighting emotions inside him. He started to fidget a little more than he had been and completely hid his face. He glanced to the side and of course, she was walking towards him. Or rather the empty seat, but still towards him.

She sat down and pulled out her things for the class. He moved slightly away to give her more space on the desk. He kept his eyes on the front of class where the teacher had finally stood up and started to lecture to the class. Then the girl turned to him and started to speak. A simple word of greeting, but it was enough to unnerve him once more. Should he answer her? What if he messed up in the conversation? Shouldn't he be taking notes in class? If he didn’t answer, she would think ill of him. He didn't know what to do, but he had to answer and answer soon.

He cleared his throat a little and glanced her way. "H-hey," he said a little awkward. A small blush appeared on his cheeks and he looked down at his notebook. He stuttered! Was she going to criticize him now for that little mistake? Why couldn't he even say hello?
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Sun Sep 06, 2009 7:19 pm

Leigh smiled at the seemingly nervous 'hey' and looked at her notebook. If he didn't want to talk, that was fine with her. She wasn't going to make him. She started to take notes, paying attention to the professor, but also glance over at the boy next to her every so often.

He intrigued her for some reason. He seemed nervous, and scared, indecisive. She wondered about him, what was up with this guy? He almost seemed like he had to be taken care of. Maybe that was what intrigued her. She'd never taken care of anyone but herself and had never had anyone to take care of her.

Class went on, and she paid attention the best that she could. Though she kept thinking about the guy. She couldn't figure out why he seemed to need someone, but he definitely did. Running her hand nervously over the sweater that was hanging on her arm, feeling the bruises where the needles had come in, she wondered if maybe helping him would help her.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Sun Sep 06, 2009 9:57 pm

Cullyn gave a small smile that was almost intangible. She had smiled at him! Was that an accepting smile? Or was she laughing on the inside on his stutter? After the initial hi, she started pay attention the professor. Cullyn had lost track of what the man was saying and was once more lost in confusion. He swallowed dryly. He should have brought water. Why had he forgotten to bring water again?

He glanced over at the girl who had started to take notes. He figured he should to. He opened his notebook and tried to pay attention and jot down notes. But he didn't know what to write down. What was important, what wasn't? What was going to be on the test and what facts should he just disregard completely? He always had this hassle at school. He started wondering if he should just quit. Should he? Would it be a mistake? Until he would finally come up with an answer, he would stay in school.

He felt suddenly uneasy. It felt like millions of little eyes were tracking and tracing every little twitch of muscle and every movement he made. He glanced around expecting everyone to be looking at him. No one was except for the girl next to him. He bit his lip nervous and looked away. Why was she starring at him? Did he do something? Was there something on his face? He eventually plopped his head down on the desk to shut everything out.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Sun Sep 06, 2009 10:09 pm

Leigh felt bad. He looked bad, like something was going through his head a million miles a minute. Was he having trouble with the notes? She had trouble with notes for a year or two, but then, she got the hang of it. Notes were hard to take, it was hard to figure out what was needed, so at first she'd just taken notes of everything.

With a sigh, the girl tore off the page she'd just finished with and passed it over to him. Then, she went back to her notes. She sort of felt good. Sure, his head was down, but maybe when he looked back up, he might use them. That would be a good thing.

As she continued with her notes, she thought about her life before her fosters. So good at first. Then, not so good. Really if it weren't for Janet, she'd be out on the streets, and definitely not in college. So, while the girl wasn't going to be adopted, she had a form of family.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Sun Sep 06, 2009 10:18 pm

Cullyn heard the girl sigh and wondered what was going through her mind. Was she annoyed about something, bored, or just unenthusiastic? He chanced a look in her direction and saw the sheet of paper next to him. He looked it over and realized it was a copy of the notes. She had written them. The writing was so neat! Ever letter was perfect and crystal clear. The sheet was close to him as if she offered them to him. He gave her another small smile and sat up.

He moved the notes a little closer so he could read them and started to copy down the notes word for word. Out of habit he compared their writing styles. To him, her calligraphy was so much neater than his own. His looked like a bunch of scribbles or scratched on the paper. In reality however, it was just as neat. His imagination was fault to his self esteem which equaled zero.

Once he had finished comparing and writing the notes, he pushed the sheet towards her again. She was helping him. It made him warm up a little. He wasn't as frantic. He moved a little closer to her but he was still way out of her personal space. Maybe, just maybe, he would ask her her name when the class was over and they moved on. She might sit next to him again the next day. Now he hopped she would. She seemed nice and she helped him. She gave him a snippet of guidance.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:26 am

Leigh was glad to see that he took the notes and copied them, and even moved her arm so that he could look over at what she was writing. Moving only an inch closer so he could see, she continued. He may not feel like talking to her, but he was accepting the little help she could offer, that was something. And it was good enough for her.

After every page of notes she wrote, she ripped them off and passed them over, if he missed anything. She'd always thought that she wouldn't be able to help anyone. But, he had accepted what she could offer, and she hoped that it would be enough. It was something nice, to be able to help.

After the class, Leigh sat for a minute, packing up her stuff while the last bit of notes was sitting on the desk. She pushed her hair from her face as she leaned over to put her stuff in her black messenger bag. Then, she sat up and looked at him.

"I'm Leigh." she introduced herself again. "If you ever need help with notes, I don't mind sharing." She told him, smiling as genuinely as she could. But, a smile wasn't a common thing on her lips.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:55 pm

He happily copied the notes into his own binder. Around her, he wasn't as stressed. He didn't know why, but he felt so much better. He wasn't debating anymore and he could just do the action. Everything would be just fine if he didn't have to decide on anything. Decisions were bad things. They took forever to work out and he never knew if they were the right ones.

Once class was over, he handed her back her notes and put his own stuff in his bag. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay with her and hear her guidance and instructions. It would make things so much easier on him! He wondered if she would be alright with that. Uh-oh. Another decision. Should he ask her to be friends or just not say anything? Well he would say thank you, but anything else? He didn't know, so he stayed quite at first.

At her introduction and blushed slightly. "I-I'm Cullyn." he said and stuttered again. His face turned eve redder and he turned away. "T-Thank you for... the notes..." he whispered.”They... really helped..." He clutched his bag close to him in a small frenzy. He wanted her to like him. He wanted to be close to her, but at the same time, he was worried about her reactions towards him.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Mon Sep 07, 2009 6:44 pm

Leigh smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Cullyn." She said, nodding in his direction before closing up her bag. "Do you have any classes next?" She asked as she stood up, adjusted her sweater so that it was covering the scars that lightly traveled over her right hip.

She smiled as she thought about his stutter, it was actually kind of cute. As was the blush. "No problem, if you ever need notes, I'd be the girl to go to." She said, waving her hand dismissively. She wasn't dismissing him, but the idea that she'd done something that most people wouldn't do.

"Want to walk with me? Even if it's just to your next class. I could use some company." She told him, smiling sweetly. Then, in case what she saw in his eyes was hesitation, she said "Come on." And smiled again. "You know you want to." She teased, moving for the door.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:27 pm

He gave another weak smile towards her. She really was so nice. He slung his bag over his shoulder and no longer clinging to it. She made him feel at ease. He wished it was always this easy around people. He hadn't always been so socially handicapped. He wondered why he was like that now. He started to walk out of the aisle when she spoke again.

The blush returned to his face and he looked up at her startled. She wanted him to walk with her? She wanted... his company? He couldn't believe it! A wider smile occupied his lips and he stopped walking. How did she know he wanted to walk with her? That was a question he would ask himself later. Right now, he had something else on his mind.

"Um.. sure. Okay. I'll walk with you." He walked out of aisle and waited for her to catch up with him. This day was beginning to look brighter and brighter by the minute. Maybe he could actually make friends with her.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:39 pm

Leigh couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped her lips when he started walking and actually walked right past her. He definitely was eager. She smiled when she caught up with him, her bag bumping the back of her leg as she did.

"Hey, don't go leaving me if you are going to be walking with me." She said before she caught up. "So, what are you studying, Cullyn?" She asked, smiling up at him when she was finally walking next to him.

It was kind of nice to have a friend who wasn't trying to get her on their bed. When she was partying, it wasn't uncommon for some guy to take her home, or to the nearest couch, to do what he wants with her. So, to have someone who just seems to want to talk to her, she felt like it was a great find.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:59 pm

He laughed a little shyly at her comment and was about to turn towards her when her bag bumped his leg. It hit the back of his knee with perfect precision. It bent his knee and he tripped down a few steps before he managed to catch himself on one of the seats. His heart was thumbing against his chest at that 'to close for comfort' moment. He clung to the chair as if it was something holly until he managed to get to his feet.

His face was beat red and he was trembling ever so slightly at the humiliation. Every time he heard someone laugh, he thought they were laughing at him. It didn't even matter if they were outside the class room. They were laughing therefore they were laughing at him. Leigh probably thought he was a klutz now. Did she still want to walk with him? He didn't think so.

He heard her question, but due to the fall, he didn't know if he should answer it or not. Was it still important for her to know what he was going to major in? He might not even get a job because he was so timid and social inept.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:04 am

Leigh's smile vanished when she saw him stumble because of her. "Oh my gosh!" She said, hurrying down the steps after him. "I'm so sorry." She said, grabbing his arm with both of her hands, trying to steady him though he was standing by the time she got there. "I wasn't paying attention. I'm so sorry." She said again.

She could tell that he was embarrassed, and she wanted to distract him. "Okay, so back to what we were talking about." She said, offering him a smile. She'd tripped and fallen a hundred times, whether sober or wasted.

She could see that he was shaking, so, to make him feel better, she said "You know, just last night, I ended up skidding on my ass down a hill. Ruined my favorite pants from a grass stain.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:31 pm

He felt her hands around his arm and he flinched back slightly, unsure of what she was going to do. When he realized she was trying to help him, he relaxed. His heart had been banging against his rib cage and he slowly brought it back to normal. He wondered if he would ever faint from something stupid. He hoped not. That would be so much worse than actually tripping over his own feet.

He gave her a small smile of relief at her story. At least he wasn't the only one who did stupid things. He suddenly liked the touch of her hand on his arm. It brought a warmer pull on his lips. He was beginning to look up to her and wondered briefly if that was a good or bad thing. Too late now. He liked being close to her and he would keep it that way.

"Thank you... for making me feel better," he said quietly. He cleared his throat and started to walk with her out of the class room and towards their next class. "Actually, I am majoring in Art. It sounds a little stupid doesn't it? I am not really sure anymore. I like Art, but I don't know if I can make a carrier out of it…" he explained.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by HeavenLeighDahl on Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:44 pm

Leigh smiled as she walked with him, seeing that he seemed to be feeling better. He wasn't shuddering anymore, and he was actually talking rather normally. She had seen the flinch, but then a smile only a few seconds later, and that was the cause of her smile. She hadn't thought that she would like making someone feel better so much, but it made her feel almost lighter, like after a therapy session.

"It's no problem." She offered, rubbing his upper arm for a brief second. When he said that he was majoring in Art, she shook her head. "That's not stupid. There are plenty of things that could go with a degree in Art. I'd love to see your work sometime." She told him.

"I'm majoring in English. Maybe you and I can get together and create a children's book!" She said, her blue eyes widening with her words. "That would be something to use your art in." She said, nudging him playfully. "And it could get you noticed if it gets published." She offered.
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Re: Paranoia (Lightning and Heaven)

Post by Lightning Strikes on Sat Sep 12, 2009 11:18 pm

He spared her another smile that teased at his lips and nodded. Everything seemed so clear now. Of course! Starting out with children books was a fabulous idea. Why hadn't he thought about it before? It made so much sense he was ashamed at the fact that he had had no clue at all about what he would do with his degree. Maybe becoming a book artist was one way he could turn his degree into cash.

"That is a neat idea. We could be a great team I think. I have my sketch book with me but it is in the car. I... could show it to you after school. Then you could tell me if I am wasting my money or should continue. I hope you don't mind. I don't want to become a burden on you," he said and then wished he had said nothing at all. He didn't want her to judge him and he just offered her an opportunity to.

He really wanted to get closer to her though. They could become friends and then maybe things would begin to clear up. He had to give it a try and hoped that she wouldn't mind it. Maybe with her at his side he wouldn't worry about everyone else and finally go on with his life and live like everyone else. He would be normal again. He liked the sound of that.
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